dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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