I puked a lego.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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