And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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