things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
