wakey wakey hands off snakey
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
