There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
