bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
