textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
