we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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