Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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