is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
