New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
