my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
