You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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