Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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