he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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