Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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