We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
