i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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