hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
