There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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