how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
