saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
