Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
