so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
