i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
