just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
