I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
