New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
