If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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