I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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