I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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