She's JV to your varsity
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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