so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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