I want to make a zoo with you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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