Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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