Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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