so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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