don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
