so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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