Having a random hookup so left but love u
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
