so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
