why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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