Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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