does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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