I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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