The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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