This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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