Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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