Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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