just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
