you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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