I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
